1. The disparity between my child and the others was enormous.
Perched along a round table amid a gaggle of angelic blond girls, Austin stood out like a sore thumb. From his dramatic expressions in reaction to everything, (shaking his head and muttering, "doh!" Homer Simpson style, or growling low and menacingly) to his refusal to join the simplest classroom event (circle time,) I really had no idea how NORMAL normal kids are. It sounds so ridiculous, I'm sure, but with Austin being my only real frame of reference for typical 5 year old behavior, I was totally out of the loop on how compliant and adult like they really are. They listen, they joke, they look you in the eye. They understand nuances of humor in a conversation. I was used to instant meltdowns, literal translations, and being ignored.
2. I totally underestimated Common Core.
Austin attended one daycare from the time he was 9 mos old on. That school was a 5 star facility with a curriculum and semi annual report cards. I was worried that getting to Kindergarten would be a breeze academically for Austin, that he might be bored. Little did I know Kindergarten would involve memorizing passwords, learning punctuation and parts of speech and homework on the computer (at home!) I was under the impression that kindergarten was a sort of trial run for real school, getting acclimated to backpacks, lunch boxes, no naps, etc. The learning curve on all that is now nearly non-existent. Kindergarten upped the ante and we were left to catch up fast.
3. They are busy in that little class!
It seemed like every second was occupied by some activity or task. There was ample time allotted to finish each assignment, but there wasn't really any downtime. The coordinated effort it took between the teacher and assistant made it extremely evident how difficult it would be to deal with a child like Austin, who struggles with transitions and pressure and authority and failure. I was exhausted mentally by day's end from trying to keep him quiet and in his seat, and on task.
4. The other children are very loving and forgiving.
Believe me, I heard a lot that day from those kids. "Mrs. Johnson? See that table right there? Austin hid under that table one day kicking other kids." "See all that stuff over there? One day Austin knocked all that stuff off and into the floor."
I felt like his liaison. Constantly coaching him through how to respond appropriately and trying to get him to engage with them. "This is Charlie. He's your buddy. You guys have to look after each other!" "Did you guys know Austin has a little brother?" "Guess what Austin is going to be for Halloween?""Austin, look how great Annabella did on this drawing! Isn't she a great artist?"
One day I took him in late after a doctor's appointment and another child had put his book bag in Austin's cubby. We discovered this as the rest of the class was entering the room. They ran over, excited to see him, "Hi Austin!" He responded by wrestling the offending backpack out of the cubby and flinging it to the ground at their feet, his teeth clenched and jaw tensed. I found myself explaining to them and him, calmly, soothingly, trying to make each side see the other's point, like the Jimmy Carter of kindergarten. "It's ok. It's no big deal. Look how excited everyone is to see you!"
Since my initial attendance, we have had green weeks, and we have had yellow, but there have been no more suspensions. We have started an IEP. He spends most of his afternoon in an EC class and loves it ("because I get my own desk.") His teacher has moved him to a table of boys. It still isn't perfect, but it is better, and for the time being at least, my tears have subsided.
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